They say they like a challenge, and they say they like a strong woman. So why is it that many of the challenging and strong women dine alone?
It doesnt seem fair. The women who are competitive, strong, and worthy of the same income that men receive often times lose at love. They hide themselves in their work, and wonder what they are doing wrong?
I saw a Dr. Phil episode yesterday that had a female helicopter fighter pilot on who was 33 and had never worn a dress. She was single and looking but didnt know why she wasnt landing a man. She was darling and open and guess what they gave her with Dr. Phils co-host for the day? Ms. Star Jones Reynolds treated her to A MAKE OVER!
They put that lady in a dress for the first time in her life! They put her in heels! And even though she had never dressed up, she admitted that she loved grabbing back her femininity and feeling like a LADY!!!
It was such a great lesson to see right there on TV. They showed a strong, successful and confidant woman in her professional life, become a lady right before our eyes. They cut and color treated her hair, they put on make up, and they went shopping to find outfits that were flattering and feminine. The smile on her face told it all she LOVED the new HER! And who wouldnt be attracted to that? Her face lit up the whole TV. She also admitted to Dr. Phil that she dressed that way to reject men BEFORE they rejected HER. She constantly had her guard up, and that was what was intimidating to men! It was DEFINITELY good TV that day!
I remember going through a similar transformation. I was in my freshman year in college and hung out with all of the boys. They were my buds! But when it came time to go to a dance or event, I was sitting on the sidelines. I remember when one guy said some mean things to me that hurt my feelings and I knew He doesnt respect me. I knew then that I needed to take back the power and present myself as WHO I was on the inside, but not showing on the outside.
I disappeared and stopped hanging out with the boys. I ate at other dining halls and hit the gym. I lost some weight, gave myself my own makeover and showed up about a month later as the NEW ME! And what happened?
The boys FAWNED all over me! They asked me out for ice cream! They asked me out to the movies! They didnt want to just hang OUT with me anymore, they now wanted to DATE me. For the first time in my life, I was treated like a QUEEN and it felt great!
Ive had to go through transformation many times since. There are times where its good to be one of the boys in business, and definitely times where its good to be all girl. When Im traveling on my TV tours with two 50lb suitcases, its GOOD to be all GIRL! I get help wherever I go and am gracious and appreciative and make all of the men who help me feel glad that they did.
That is the secret! Men want to HELP women! They want to help take CARE of them. Its not so hard when you understand that most men want a woman who needs THEM!
I spent an hour talking with a guy name Kyle on the treadmill yesterday at the YMCA. He is a house husband after working 20 years in TV. His wife is a very successful financial consultant who takes care of the finances. But he takes care of THEM. While shes smart at business, shes still his wife who he considers to be a sweet, dizzy little red head. And it was obvious that he completely ADORES her. It appears that his wife has learned the secret of making her man feel NEEDED. He dotes on her and takes care of her. So obviously, their relationship works.
Im not saying that all of us who are strong and secure and confident need to become dizzy women. Not at all! Thats only a PART of our personalities!!! No, but I am suggesting that we tell the men in our lives that theyre great and thank them for the things that they do for us and PRAISE them when they go the extra mile. Everyone wants to be appreciated and its not a hard thing to do: Just look for the good in a person and acknowledge it!
My new friend Kyle told me this: Men are superficial. Theyre easy to figure out. Theyre not that deep. They want 3 things: Food, Sex, and Sports; and not necessarily in that order. If they have the slightest bit of thought that they might get one of those things out of a woman, theyll do anything for her!
I thought it was a little simplistic, but well worth thinking about. Of course my own husband disagreed and explained to me how he loves our whole life, our child, family and what we have together. I have to admit, I liked that analogy a lot better! But Kyle does speak for a majority of men and its worth keeping in the back of your mind if youre single and looking for a relationship!
So if youre starting the New Year with the hopes of adding a terrific someone to your life, then think about doing a few simple things: 1. Get a make over so you feel terrific! 2. Next focus on others and let people know theyre special, and 3. Let your guard down to take a chance at love. If you give them a chance to see the beautiful and feminine creature that you are inside, just how are they going to be able to resist you?
My bet is that they WONT!!
Mary Gardner is an Executive Communications Consultant/Coach and Lifestyle reporter. www.marygardner.com
